Midnight musings of the clinically insane (padded room here I come)

Tonight I'm feeling reflective... The Move to Texas is coming quickly we are less than 2 weeks away... Let's not talk about my page of todos for tomorrow or the icy roads I can't drive on or the fact that Micah is gone all week and I'm pitch hitting alone... Gah


Tonight I'm thinking about my job, my job as a mother and wife... The family nurturer.  I know that the religion I grew up in caused my family to raise me to believe that being a mother staying at home was one of the greatest gifts I could give my children.  I agree to a point, this is also the hardest job I've ever had, it's impossible to know if I'm doing it right and more often than not if feel like I'm failing.

 My boys say please and thank you, but they eat bad food and they think it's funny to talk to each other using the butts... They call it butt talk... They are so smart but I don't make then do their homework enough.  I swear I'm not on them enough about their personal hygiene, they only brush their teeth in the morning, I always forget until after they are asleep.  I let them drink soda and when Micah's out of town it's easier to buy pizza and mcDs... I yell all the time, I'm constantly loosing my Shit... I asked you 5 times to put your shoes away nicely, why is it #6 with the scary mom voice and the dead eyes that you finally get around to it.

I use TV as a babysitter to get a break from the constant questions... I don't bake enough with them, it's easier to grab cookies in the bakery section of the supermarket.  I wanted to do a garden so badly but I never got around to clearing the space in the side yard... I didn't have the patience for the sweet puppy I brought home and could get her potty trained and to stop nipping... We found her a good home with a nice older couple.

  I worry that me staying at home will make them see women in only a domestic roll, as only capable of being nurtures and caretakers.  Am I failing their future spouse by not finishing school

For those that tell me I'm amazing, don't fret I'm human... I just put on a good show for company!


I'm finally tired now that I've gotten this off my very large chest😜. Night night!