Writing a blog for me has always been a way for me to show off my family, to remember how my family is right now, and express my feelings over... everything.
I blog stalk lots of people (we all do, I'm sure). I enjoy reading about the lives of the people, I've known over the years... has anyone ever noticed that no matter peoples circumstances there lives always seem great on their blog, almost perfect? We all want to project a positive image of ourselves and our lives to the public, but nothing is perfect and trying to be perfect can at times cause more of a problem.
I've decided that although I am living the dream, I want to open up about the not so perfect side of my life. I have and am now dealing w/ postpartum. I had terrible PP w/ Mase and it went on for the first year of his life, I was up and down... I constantly picked fights w/ Micah. I knew then something just wasn't right, but I was too embarrassed to admit I might need help. So we dealt w/ my mood swings and depression, but life was always a little bit worse.
This time around I decided I could not put that kind of stress on my family and marriage. I felt the swings coming on as soon as we got home from the hospital. Micah and I, discussed the positive and negatives of talking to the doctor, of admitting how I felt and asking for help. For Micah there was no negative, he could see me struggling to take care of our boys and he hated watching me suffer (the me buried under all the hormones). So I talked to the doctor using Micah as my excuse, and once I started talking to the doctor it started pouring out, my 5 min appointment turned into 20 mins, as I vented my feelings and concerns. The doctor agreed with us that I would benefit from an anti-depressant. He also said I would start to see a difference within a few days of taking the pill.
Yesterday, as Micah and I were driving back from the coast w/ the boys, I asked him if he thought the pills were helping. He of course turned the question back on me, and asked how I felt, and I admitted that I haven't felt this good in years (I've been pregnant or nursing a child since 2007). I stress about normal things now and I don't call Micah at work to yell at him for throwing his socks on the floor. Its been 2 weeks since I started and I feel amazing!
5 comments:
I love entries like this. And I'm so proud of you for opening up {to yourself, to your doctor, to Micah, to us} and knowing it's okay to get the help to make you feel more like yourself.
There's a girl in my ward who never addressed her issues with PP and has therefore cut herself off from everyone and it's really hard for her to make friends in the first place!
You can do it. And know you always have great friends to gripe to and share with.
Love you!
I have felt that progressively worse after each child and I have never got any help for it. It was never terrible, but it was always there under the surface. Good job on recognizing it and deciding to do something about it. I'm glad things are good. XOXOXOXOXOo
yeah thats exciting. I'm glad you are doing great!!
You know... I totaly agree!! It seems like everyone talks about the good stuff in life and that there is no room on our blogs for the negative. I felt a lot of depression right after Edward. I am hoping things will be different this time, but if their not, I will ask for help. Thanks for sharing. You are amazing!
I am so proud of you! What a brave thing for you to do and be willing to talk about. Everyone has issues, and it makes it easier for everyone if we can know how to help or say hi a little more! You are such a strong person! Thanks for your example!
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